Breathing

So today I took my asthma test.  They had me breathe into a tube normally. Then you have to take a deep breathe in and then blow hard and push all the air out of your lungs.  After they got a base line reading, they starting giving me medication to provoke a reaction.  There are five steps to the medications.  If you make it through all of the steps with no reaction you are good to go.  If you have a reaction at any step, you have to stop and take a different set of meds to stop the reaction. 
I started to have problems at step 4 and after step 5 I was taking the inhaler.  So something is going on at least.  I'm back to my regular doctor on Tuesday to find out what I should be doing about all of this.  The inhaler had weird side effects.  My hands and feet felt like they were asleep, but shaking.  I felt shaky and wired.  It was not so fun, but after 5 minutes I could breathe better and within 20 I was less jittery. 
So I decided to mow the lawn... and now my nose is stuffed.  Not my best decision. 

Why I oughta...

So today, I really wanted to cut somebody.  And with the time of year that it is, one would assume it would be a lousy paper that drove me to thought, but it was actually the disorganization of a hospital. 
Today I was suppose to have my asthma test.  They called me themselves on the 13th and scheduled it for today.  But apparently, that was a lie.  While I have the incoming call in my cell, apparently they did not actually schedule anything.  So I spend 45 minutes sitting around while they figured out that they had no record of me, didn't know what I needed done, assumed it was the clinic's fault.  When I was leaving, I was shaking and trying not to cry with rage.  It is the week before finals and I've got a lot to get done.  I could have finished a final with that 45 minutes so I was freaking pissed.  I was trying not to freak out on the poor receptionist because it wasn't her fault, but oh my I sure wanted to.
They called me later this afternoon to apologize and reschedule.  So I am now doing it on Thursday which sucks because that is when I finally start getting papers.  I was polite, but I could not resist the back handed comment that while getting off work was not an issue there was no way to get over the lost of productive time. 

Next One

One) Doctors should not be allowed to send letters about a condition unless everything is fine and smiles.  Otherwise, that is just cruel because you get a letter, probably after hours, and then you flip out because you wouldn't know exactly what the jargon means anyway (Or would not believe).

Two) No, I didn't exactly get that letter.  It's in the mail... I found out about my ultrasound today.  I called yesterday to find out more, but they didn't call me back.  After waiting for most of today, I got frustrated and called again. I learned that both my ovaries have cysts.  They still do not think that it is any big deal.  They want to get me in to have another ultrasound in two months.  I did a little mayo clinic internet research.  I now understand a little bit more about why the doctor would not be freaking out.  Apparently cysts are actually super common (which I suppose I should have recognized as I do know people who have cysts) and while there are cyst types that one should be super worried about this at least is not that.  

Three) So after all this, had the freak out of maybe Parker would be an only child due to all this.  Again, what information did I have to base this on?  None.  At the time, I knew very little and it was really just a freak out about having something wrong with me in general and/or something wrong with my ovaries.  We all take for granted that our internal workings are fine until we are blatantly confronted with evidence to the contrary.  I mean, no one wants to believe that anything will ever be wrong with them.  The weirdest part of that freak out is that I'm not sure if I want to have another child. I have extreme worries about a second pregnancy due to having a c-section.  I don't want to make that decision until little miss is closer to 2 and somewhat more independent.  I mean regardless of seeing little babies over the last week I don't really have baby fever.  I mean, yes, the babies were adorable and smell amazing (nothing like baby smell- it is crack), but I love my big girl dearly.  I shouldn't be surprised.  It's all about the psychology of control.  If you believe you have control over something, you feel better about it than if you believe you have no control.  Man, I hate it when knowing the psychology behind something is not actually comforting.
3) I'm done with worrying and self pity.  I indulged myself in that last week, but this week I refuse to go with it.  I'm training for a 5K.  Well, kinda.  I'm going to try to complete from couch to 5K.  I don't have a 5K in mind.  I'm just not a runner, but we were looking at doing a zombie 5K (it didn't work out this year), but we are going to try to do it next year.  I'm working out and losing weight to earn me the next season of True Blood that comes out at the end of May.  I have been way into spring cleaning.  I will be fine.  I will rise above.  And I will not dwell.  It is not worth my time. And the more I tell myself all of this, the more I will remind myself and make it true.  Self fulfilling prophecy for the win.

Some relief

Well, I got my results from my mammogram.  One, it is always a relief when a letter shows up, because really bad news does not come in letter form from clinics.  I passed with no abnormalities.  Whew.  I knew that was most likely going to be the case, but I cried with relief when read the letter. So I just need to hear about my ultrasound and the obnoxious part of this will be over.  My asthma test is scheduled for next week so by the end of April I should be all fixed up right?
Had an excellent weekend, Martinis on Friday and shopping with the girls on Saturday.  What a time!  I then had my first real experience with sushi.  I would do it again, but I did not love all of it.  Alright, time to get groceries, clean, and bake some friendship bread.

Two down

Well had my ultrasound today so they could take a look at my ovaries.  The tech thought it could be today or a few days before they call me with results.  I SOOO vote for today, but my vote is worthless so back to coping.  I noticed this morning that I have four main coping mechanisms  eating whatever the hell I want (totally just had a bacon cheeseburger for lunch), exercising, the internet, and doing things to make other people smile.   Only two of these things should I keep up. 

One down

Well today I had my mammogram.  Sure I won't find out anything for 5-8 days, but the procedure is done.  Honestly the procedure itself is pretty lame.  I realized having a small child is excellent prep for a mammogram.  I'm used to have my boobs stepped on without warning or used as leverage points.  So it really was not painful or anything.  I mean you wouldn't want to stay like that, but no biggie. 
I have the closet fear that something weird will show up, but I'm really not thinking about that.  I'm feeling pretty calm about things.  I don't expect anything strange will be there, but if there is it will be caught early and little if it is something or it could be nothing.  That's a little zen.  Must be all the cookies that I have eaten today.  I should maybe workout to work off some of those.  I'll think about it. 

Okay fine

I wasn't sure I wanted to blog about this, but I need to get some thoughts out of my head. 
I get to have my first mammogram this week.  Nothing was hinky in my checkup, but I have a strong family history so my doctor thought it would be good to have a baseline mammogram.  Rationally I know this is not a big deal.  I am totally on edge.  It's not like I didn't know this time would come.  Hello look at my family history, but that didn't mean I was counting the hours or anything. 
I also get to be tested for asthma because my breathing when I exercise can be off (depending on what I'm doing).  I also get to have an ultrasound because one of my ovaries was a little swollen so they want to take a look.  At this point, no reason to freak out, but waiting can be so much worse than just doing something.  The two big appointments will be done by the end of this week so that will at least be a relief.  Sure I most likely won't know anything right away, but the appointments will be done which is good.  In the mean time, I am trying to concentrate, but I'm not doing so hot at it this afternoon.  Okay now I have spewed this out and I can move on for the day.

Seriously distracted

Today I am seriously distracted. I wish it was Friday because I could use a drink and my appointments to be over so I can focus because right now I really can't focus.  I'm going to work on easy things.  Things that involve very little thought and sitting in my papsan.  And a positive attitude.  I'm going to work on that too.

Hello my name is Dana......

and I am a worry wort.  I tend to worry.  I worry about work, health, myself, family, friends, you name it.  I just do.  It's how I roll.  The good part of knowing that this is how I roll is that I recognize when I am being irrational in my worrying.  Now that does not necessarily mean that I can stop the irrational worrying, but I can typically freak out and then move on.  I had one of those moments today.  I can't say I'm completely done worrying, but I do realize that all will work out and I should not be driving myself insane for no good reason. 
I need to remember that new experiences are not scary or bad, just different.  And to stop being such a pansy :o)

Wow...

So today sucked.  I thought today Little Miss would be good, we would get groceries, play, ect.   Have a good day off from work for mom.  Oh was I wrong.  Yesterday we went for her 15 month check up and she got one shot.  I thought today won't be so bad, it is just one shot.  I was wrong.  I forgot about whiny baby with a low grade fever.  We were great with getting groceries and had fun.  She really loves to go out with me.  But after that it was down hill until just before bedtime when my loving happy baby returned to me to cuddle.  But in the middle there was whining and unhappiness.  I just hate the days when my baby drives me to tears.  I feel bad for all of us then.  She is so sad, I can't help, and nobody enjoying it. 
We were able to end her day with snuggling and stories so I suppose all is well that ends well.  Hopefully we will be able to have fun tomorrow. 
So I have yet to clean up the house of the toys, but the friendship bread is out of the oven.  I'm thinking I'm going to have a beer, have some bread, and put up my feet.  I mean, Fini, is sleeping on the couch next to me.  She might have the right idea.

One more thing

So I was so distracted by the purring cat in my lap that I forgot to blog about the one thing that I did accomplish, my health directive!  I can wear my wedding ring!!!!! I am at the weight I got married at.  Now my body is totally built differently now.  I have a baby belly to suck in yet, but whatever.  I swear I need to do ab work every day just to prove to myself that I can.  Whenever we do abs during kettle bell, I want to keel over.  But I am super proud of me. 

Blogging Vacation...

So I didn't mean to take a vacation from Blogging.  I just got behind at work and overwhelmed and so I streamlined my personal expectations to keep myself sane.  It worked. 
With one month left of the semester, I am caught up and in good place with work.  I still have a to do list, but I'm not stressed out about it anymore.  Give me a month when I get my end of the semester papers. 
The weather has been wonderful.  Little miss is addicted to going outside.  She is also apparently addicted to riding in the car cart at the grocery store.  Today I let her try that for the first time since she is starting to get squirrelly about riding in the cart seat.  It was a quick store trip and she got pissed when I took her out to get her in the car seat to go home.  Yelled half way home!
Little miss had her first haircut today.  Her bangs were all up in her eyes so I attacked with scissors.  
So tomorrow I'm going to try to set up a massage for me real soon.  My back/shoulders have been bothering me lately.  It is mostly due to working on a computer and exercising and strengthening those muscles.  I'm starting with a massage, but if that does not help then I will be off to the chiropractor.  I have never been to one before and don't really want to start, but if I need to I need to. 
Well, I'm so lame that I don't think I have anything that I should be telling you about.  I've got nothing exciting just work and chilling with child.