I'm avoidance coping right now. I could be reading on the the IRB proposals I have lined up. I could be reading articles for my one class's final project. I could also be emailing contacts for speakers for one of my classes. But I'm blogging. My husband and daughter are asleep. My daughter is sleeping because it is long past her bedtime. My husband is sleeping because a cough is getting the best of him.
I am playing on the internet and throwing treats to the cat. I have some oranges that are so unsweet that we won't eat them. Cuties may have ruined us to other oranges. I'm thinking that I might make orange bread out of the zest or candied orange rind, or I found some orange vanilla marmalade. It just seems like a horrible waste not to do something with the oranges. I should also maybe exercise some more. I've been really good this week. I made 6am exercise class all week! I'm happy. Sore, but definitely happy about it. Alright enough avoidance.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Happy Place
So I'm working on maintaining my happy place. This weekend was full of positive steps.
I'm still totally behind at work. I know what I'm teaching through Wednesday and may be reading the most boring articles I've read since a neuroscience colloquium in grad school (chosen by a student for a discussion based class). I hope the discussion goes better than I think it is going to.
However, I had a good weekend. I put aside everything that I was tweaking about. I played some games with friends. I read books with my daughter. I got lots hugs and kisses. And then while I was feeling zen, I curled up with a book in the bathtub. Sure my daughter proceeded to wake up and interrupt my happy reading time, but it was still lovely to have (I continued for a while in my chair after she went back to bed). I'm hoping that by Friday I can spend some more time in my happy place.
I'm still totally behind at work. I know what I'm teaching through Wednesday and may be reading the most boring articles I've read since a neuroscience colloquium in grad school (chosen by a student for a discussion based class). I hope the discussion goes better than I think it is going to.
However, I had a good weekend. I put aside everything that I was tweaking about. I played some games with friends. I read books with my daughter. I got lots hugs and kisses. And then while I was feeling zen, I curled up with a book in the bathtub. Sure my daughter proceeded to wake up and interrupt my happy reading time, but it was still lovely to have (I continued for a while in my chair after she went back to bed). I'm hoping that by Friday I can spend some more time in my happy place.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Just Breathe
I am behind at work. I'm feeling the stress. I'm feeling completely unbalanced.
I'm taking baby steps to make this all better. I write this not so anybody worries or anything, but to remind myself of two important things.
1) I am not superwoman so I should really lower my expectations about myself.
2) Baby steps will get me back to a better place.
Now back to carrying on.
I'm taking baby steps to make this all better. I write this not so anybody worries or anything, but to remind myself of two important things.
1) I am not superwoman so I should really lower my expectations about myself.
2) Baby steps will get me back to a better place.
Now back to carrying on.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Loving myself
Like many people I can't say that I love everything about my body. Now I'm working losing my last bit of lazy weight which will help me feel the love. I don't have unrealistic expectations. I've never had six pack abs. I'm okay with that. My arms are weak. They probably always will be, but I can live with that. Call me crazy, but I don't really mind my baby battle wounds (i.e., stretch marks, surgery scar, bigger feet).
I want my fingers to smaller. That's it. That's what I hate most at this moment. I can live with so much other stuff, but I want to wear my wedding ring again. Stupid fat fingers. I've always had them. That's the worst part. When played clarinet, I had problems with some notes due to my fat little fingers.
If this all that I dislike about myself physically, I can live with it. I'm motivated to lose the lazy weight. And we'll see about that wedding ring.
I want my fingers to smaller. That's it. That's what I hate most at this moment. I can live with so much other stuff, but I want to wear my wedding ring again. Stupid fat fingers. I've always had them. That's the worst part. When played clarinet, I had problems with some notes due to my fat little fingers.
If this all that I dislike about myself physically, I can live with it. I'm motivated to lose the lazy weight. And we'll see about that wedding ring.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Balance
Well, I think I'm getting my center back after the week from hell, but I'm not sure. I'm at home alone with daughter this weekend. She's been good. The weekend duties of laundry, groceries, and cleaning are done. I was able to get a decent work out in. I haven't done any grading (and I kind of need to), but it's late and I don't wanna.
I'm beginning to realize that I need a hobby. I don't necessarily have time for one, but I need one. I kinda of gave up video games as the baby got bigger. It's not that I don't like playing, but there was always something else that needed to be done or that was nagging me while daughter naps so I don't play much anymore. I want a hobby that allows me to leave my house every few weeks with a purpose or maybe it's just that sometimes when I take me time, I need to actually go hide at a coffee shop or in my room. I don't know exactly what it is that I need, but I need something.
I also need to get caught back up at work so I' not obsessing about it like I am right now. I want to go to bed, but I might end up grading (I know I said I didn't want to).
All the things I did today were positive steps in the right direction. I hope for more baby steps.
I'm beginning to realize that I need a hobby. I don't necessarily have time for one, but I need one. I kinda of gave up video games as the baby got bigger. It's not that I don't like playing, but there was always something else that needed to be done or that was nagging me while daughter naps so I don't play much anymore. I want a hobby that allows me to leave my house every few weeks with a purpose or maybe it's just that sometimes when I take me time, I need to actually go hide at a coffee shop or in my room. I don't know exactly what it is that I need, but I need something.
I also need to get caught back up at work so I' not obsessing about it like I am right now. I want to go to bed, but I might end up grading (I know I said I didn't want to).
All the things I did today were positive steps in the right direction. I hope for more baby steps.
Friday, January 13, 2012
A long one
My daughter has an unexplained rash that is starting to spread (we are back at the doctor later today). It's not that we ignored it, we were just there earlier this week for her 1 year wellness check and were told to watch it. My husband has been sick off an on all week.
I have been fighting sickness and exhaustion all week. I feel like I'm behind at work even though I just got back this week.
I want this week over so I can start a new one with a better attitude than what I have now. Alright this is all the whining I'm allowed. Time to find some inner piece and move my butt along.
I have been fighting sickness and exhaustion all week. I feel like I'm behind at work even though I just got back this week.
I want this week over so I can start a new one with a better attitude than what I have now. Alright this is all the whining I'm allowed. Time to find some inner piece and move my butt along.
Monday, January 9, 2012
The Hardest Part
So I've been following some blog prompts that have been posted by a Mommy Blogger I read. The prompt that got me thinking today was this, "What is the hardest part of parenting?"
There was a part of me that thought about the late night feedings (and in my current case, the sick child wake ups). There was then another part of me that thought about discipline issues.
But then I realized that it all boils down to one thing. The hardest part of parenting is seeing your child hurting or thinking of the idea that your child might be hurt.
For example, little girl is currently sick with a fever. She's been eating (for the most part) and playing, but she just really wants to be cuddled and when anything doesn't go her way she whines/cries. It just makes you sad for her because there is only so much you can do for her.
You feel bad for baby when she is crying and needs to go to bed, but swears she is not tired and that you don't know anything. You feed bad when your baby cries when you take her away before she can eat cat food. Yes, I know she is being manipulative. No, it isn't going to make me let her eat cat food, but I will feel sad for her.
I think about the things I will teach my daughter over years. About the boys who could someday break her heart or the girl friends she may argue with or the times she will try something and fail. There are times she will hurt and I will be able to nothing about it, and those will be long days for me. She's my kid, while I hope she has more coordination that me, who knows. She may have a broken bone in her future. There are the times as a parent that you wonder if you are making the right decisions for your kid. Did I say no enough? Is she well mannered? Does she help others?
Those are my thoughts. Time to exercise.
There was a part of me that thought about the late night feedings (and in my current case, the sick child wake ups). There was then another part of me that thought about discipline issues.
But then I realized that it all boils down to one thing. The hardest part of parenting is seeing your child hurting or thinking of the idea that your child might be hurt.
For example, little girl is currently sick with a fever. She's been eating (for the most part) and playing, but she just really wants to be cuddled and when anything doesn't go her way she whines/cries. It just makes you sad for her because there is only so much you can do for her.
You feel bad for baby when she is crying and needs to go to bed, but swears she is not tired and that you don't know anything. You feed bad when your baby cries when you take her away before she can eat cat food. Yes, I know she is being manipulative. No, it isn't going to make me let her eat cat food, but I will feel sad for her.
I think about the things I will teach my daughter over years. About the boys who could someday break her heart or the girl friends she may argue with or the times she will try something and fail. There are times she will hurt and I will be able to nothing about it, and those will be long days for me. She's my kid, while I hope she has more coordination that me, who knows. She may have a broken bone in her future. There are the times as a parent that you wonder if you are making the right decisions for your kid. Did I say no enough? Is she well mannered? Does she help others?
Those are my thoughts. Time to exercise.
Monday, January 2, 2012
New Years Resolutions & a little Bragging...
Normally I am not a New Years Resolution type person. It's not that I don't believe in them. A new year is just as good as any other time to start habit that will be good for you or will end something that is not so good for you. So here are mine in a official , hey look universe, kind of way.
1) I will lose my last 10 lbs of lazy weight. I can't blame the baby for this last 10. It was me being lazy before she was conceived. I want to wear my wedding ring again.
2) I will limit my guilt. I'm a working mom and wife of a stay at home dad. As a result of that and my own emotional makeup, I tend to feel guilty if I just want to do something without my child. However, I don't begrudge when my husband wants to leave the house without his daughter. It is irrational and I know this. That said, I still feel this way. It's not healthy for me, my husband, or my daughter. I know I can't make this guilt go away completely, but I need to not always go there.
So action plan time....
For goal 1, the new year new you motivation will help. I'll also be writing down what I am eating to get a better grip. I'm a boredom eater and a habit eater (like I really want crunch). I will continue going to spin class and actually go to class the rest of the week too. We will be eating more vegetables.
Now goal 2, is much more difficult. I can't exactly shut off the "worry wort" part of my personality. So I'm going to look at this way. Once a month, I hang with the ladies from work. I'm going to continue to do that. And I think I'm going to make a more consistent effort to have a girls night with my friends. We used to get together once a week, but with the addition of my daughter and other commitments that has kind of fell through. I also have the goal of my husband and I going to the movies once a month. We used to go to movies all the time. There are now new theaters in my town so it's not as lame to go and there are more choices. In the last year I have been to 5 movies, I believe. So that would be good for me too.
Also side note. I'm totally rocking at putting the baby to sleep. I expanded our sleep ritual because she is now on to whole milk and off the bottle. We didn't intend to take her bottle away, but she is so smart that she would not drink milk from her bottle. She knew formula came from the bottle so she didn't want anything to do with the milk in that form. Now we put her milk in a cup and she is all over it. Just need to put it out there because I'm so so happy that the expanded ritual is making napping and going to bed for the night much quieter.
1) I will lose my last 10 lbs of lazy weight. I can't blame the baby for this last 10. It was me being lazy before she was conceived. I want to wear my wedding ring again.
2) I will limit my guilt. I'm a working mom and wife of a stay at home dad. As a result of that and my own emotional makeup, I tend to feel guilty if I just want to do something without my child. However, I don't begrudge when my husband wants to leave the house without his daughter. It is irrational and I know this. That said, I still feel this way. It's not healthy for me, my husband, or my daughter. I know I can't make this guilt go away completely, but I need to not always go there.
So action plan time....
For goal 1, the new year new you motivation will help. I'll also be writing down what I am eating to get a better grip. I'm a boredom eater and a habit eater (like I really want crunch). I will continue going to spin class and actually go to class the rest of the week too. We will be eating more vegetables.
Now goal 2, is much more difficult. I can't exactly shut off the "worry wort" part of my personality. So I'm going to look at this way. Once a month, I hang with the ladies from work. I'm going to continue to do that. And I think I'm going to make a more consistent effort to have a girls night with my friends. We used to get together once a week, but with the addition of my daughter and other commitments that has kind of fell through. I also have the goal of my husband and I going to the movies once a month. We used to go to movies all the time. There are now new theaters in my town so it's not as lame to go and there are more choices. In the last year I have been to 5 movies, I believe. So that would be good for me too.
Also side note. I'm totally rocking at putting the baby to sleep. I expanded our sleep ritual because she is now on to whole milk and off the bottle. We didn't intend to take her bottle away, but she is so smart that she would not drink milk from her bottle. She knew formula came from the bottle so she didn't want anything to do with the milk in that form. Now we put her milk in a cup and she is all over it. Just need to put it out there because I'm so so happy that the expanded ritual is making napping and going to bed for the night much quieter.
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