Finding Myself

So as is unfortunately a theme for me, I tend not to take time for myself.  I get caught up in obligations and run down in the I need to do thats.  Today was Fall Break so no class for me. 

I spent time with my daughter.
I did some things for the Humane Society.
I submitted my midterm grades.
I got a pedicure because I've had a gift certificate that I got from a student in May that I just kept not using.
And I came home early to hang out with my family.
After bedtime, I did some more Humane Society paperwork, looked at ethics textbooks, cuddled the furries, and watched TV.

Then I decided it was finally time that I took the Strengths Quest.  My college does this with its students and a friend was doing it through church so I've been hearing alot about it.  I kept putting off taking the time to do it though.  The access code has been on my desk for over a month.  

So my dimensions are

• Learner 
• You love to learn. The subject matter that interests you most will be determined by your other themes and experiences, but whatever the subject, you will always be drawn to the process of learning.
• This totally makes sense to me as I'm always telling my students that if I'm not learning something in class too I've failed them.
• Input
• You are inquisitive. You collect things.
• I am always asking why? I don't really collect things.  They use reading in this as collecting knowledge, but I'm not sure what kind of knowledge base I am getting out of trashing romance novels.  
• Achiever
• Achiever describes a constant need for achievement.
  You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself.
• So I saw the above statement and thought wow.  This was immediately followed by CRAP that's true.
• Discipline
• Your world needs to be predictable. It needs to be ordered and planned. So you instinctively impose structure on your world. You set up routines. You focus on timelines and deadlines. You break longterm projects into a series of specific short-term plans, and you work through each plan diligently. You are not necessarily neat and clean, but you do need precision.
• Totally me. Want to see my to do list?  Want to see how I fit things into my schedule?
• Responsibility
• Your Responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it.
• My problem is also that I might use my achiever and learner parts to over extend....

This is very interesting to me, but it is time for sleep or I won't get up in the morning to work out (which will throw off my routine which will anger my discipliner and my achiever) and I don't want to spend my day like that.

More later.

Insights

I was talking to a friend today and realized something.  As of late, I have been in survival mode.  I have been doing things just to get by rather than enjoying what I'm doing.  It has lead me to be avoidant in a number of ways.  It's a coping mechanism, but I don't like that it is a way of life for me right now.  I want to enjoy what I do and be in the moment.  My needs and expectations of what I think I should be and how I think I should be are getting in the way of being.  
I need to start confronting that.  Well, it is out here to the world now.  I guess I should take my own advice and start with taking just 15 minutes every few days to look at myself and what I am doing.  Time to start.