Finding Myself

So as is unfortunately a theme for me, I tend not to take time for myself.  I get caught up in obligations and run down in the I need to do thats.  Today was Fall Break so no class for me. 

I spent time with my daughter.
I did some things for the Humane Society.
I submitted my midterm grades.
I got a pedicure because I've had a gift certificate that I got from a student in May that I just kept not using.
And I came home early to hang out with my family.
After bedtime, I did some more Humane Society paperwork, looked at ethics textbooks, cuddled the furries, and watched TV.

Then I decided it was finally time that I took the Strengths Quest.  My college does this with its students and a friend was doing it through church so I've been hearing alot about it.  I kept putting off taking the time to do it though.  The access code has been on my desk for over a month.  

So my dimensions are

• Learner 
• You love to learn. The subject matter that interests you most will be determined by your other themes and experiences, but whatever the subject, you will always be drawn to the process of learning.
• This totally makes sense to me as I'm always telling my students that if I'm not learning something in class too I've failed them.
• Input
• You are inquisitive. You collect things.
• I am always asking why? I don't really collect things.  They use reading in this as collecting knowledge, but I'm not sure what kind of knowledge base I am getting out of trashing romance novels.  
• Achiever
• Achiever describes a constant need for achievement.
  You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself.
• So I saw the above statement and thought wow.  This was immediately followed by CRAP that's true.
• Discipline
• Your world needs to be predictable. It needs to be ordered and planned. So you instinctively impose structure on your world. You set up routines. You focus on timelines and deadlines. You break longterm projects into a series of specific short-term plans, and you work through each plan diligently. You are not necessarily neat and clean, but you do need precision.
• Totally me. Want to see my to do list?  Want to see how I fit things into my schedule?
• Responsibility
• Your Responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it.
• My problem is also that I might use my achiever and learner parts to over extend....

This is very interesting to me, but it is time for sleep or I won't get up in the morning to work out (which will throw off my routine which will anger my discipliner and my achiever) and I don't want to spend my day like that.

More later.

Insights

I was talking to a friend today and realized something.  As of late, I have been in survival mode.  I have been doing things just to get by rather than enjoying what I'm doing.  It has lead me to be avoidant in a number of ways.  It's a coping mechanism, but I don't like that it is a way of life for me right now.  I want to enjoy what I do and be in the moment.  My needs and expectations of what I think I should be and how I think I should be are getting in the way of being.  
I need to start confronting that.  Well, it is out here to the world now.  I guess I should take my own advice and start with taking just 15 minutes every few days to look at myself and what I am doing.  Time to start.

Drowning

So I'm in the midst of the semester of work.  So far, I'm not really holding it together that well.  I'm not where I want to be.  I'm working a day ahead at best.  However, I am rather proud that I have not let it get to me as much as I normally would.  I have kept going.  I have some mild panic at times, but not overwhelming.  That's pretty awesome coming from me.

It's been too long for me to have not written.  Here is the quick catch up.

I passed my second ultrasound- no cysts.  Which means no worries.  Hurrah for a lack of medical issues. 

My allergies have gone to crazy town.  I'm highly considering looking into what insurance would cover of going to see an allergist.  If this winter is mind, I'm hosed. 

I ran my first 5K.  I want to say it will be my last.  However.... I'm toying with another.  I'm going to talk to my friend.  She put it best on her blog.  I was way more dedicated in running it because she was beside me.  We totally kept each other from being giant slackers. 

Okay back to work.

Summer Time

Why is it that days and weeks seem to go so much faster in the summer? 
It's not that I don't keep busy during the summer or that my school year is so relaxing.  It just always seems to go faster.  It is July already.  I've got a lot to get done with prep for the next year and it's crazy to me that summer school will be completely done in a few weeks. 
It has been a pretty decent summer so far.  The trip to Wyoming was decent.  My daughter is a champ at traveling.  We drove it in one day.  I couldn't believe it.  It makes the upcoming three hour drive to Grandma & Grandpas and then 2 hours to the lake seem like a breeze.  I've been taking little miss out the Humane Society more because I have had to make trips out there for my volunteering.  She loves it.  Now she loves going most anywhere, but seeing the kitties and stealing the kitty toys is very fun for her. 
My daughter is in a super fun stage.  She is a big mimic because she is working hard to learn more words.  She will try to sing along with her Disney music.  She catches a word now and again, but she understand the principle because both of her parents are always singing along with music.  A one year old singing "Yo ho" is cute. 
Okay time to be somewhat responsible and go to bed.

Attitude

So it has been a hectic day due to work and other obligations.  I'm excited to go to bed in a few when I finish watching the last episode from season two of True Blood (we are working on catching up so we can order season four).  Side note:  I'm worried because they are going to screw up my favorite plot line from the book where Eric loses his memory.  Anyways. 
I have been reading Brene Brown's blog and today's entry really gave me the pick me up I needed. Check it out.  http://www.ordinarycourage.com/my-blog/2012/6/12/defense-against-the-dark-arts.html

Self Improvement

Based on the recommendation of my soon to be former boss (*tear; I miss her already), I'm reading Brene Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are." It is one of my goals to keep improving my teaching and learning something new about psychology.  My boss recommended the book from that perspective as well as a general self improvement perspective.  She said that the book really got her thinking. 

Well, I'm almost done with the book and wow. It really gets me thinking about thing that I could use a change of viewpoint on or anxieties I could let go.  I'm going to finish the book and then I'm going to take some time to do some of my own thinking.  I'm sure that will come up here.

Hard Day

Today was really hard. Yesterday our little girl developed red blotches on her hands.  I called ask a nurse thinking that it was maybe a reaction to the antibiotic that she was put on for an ear infection on Friday or a reaction to a new shirt with a decal  (Oh I do love last minute trip to the walk in clinic for a fever of 103).  The nurse wasn’t sure and brought up the idea of hand, foot, and mouth disease.  We checked her feet and she had a few dots on them.  As the afternoon progressed, the feet blotches caught up to her hands.  She also had a few blotches on her butt.  We cancelled a gathering just in case she was contagious. 

Today we got a late in the day appointment to see girlie’s primary care physician and waited.  We parents weren’t freaking out as little girl has been in a good mood for the most part.  Tired and not eating the best, we also suspect she is getting some teeth because she has been chewing. 

Well, we get in and the doctor does not find sores in girlie’s mouth which means it is not hand, foot, and mouth disease (which is awesome).  The doctor decides he would like to check little one’s red blood cell count because blotches like hers can signal a low red blood cell count.  So the doctor says that and panic hits.  My eyes must have flashed this because the doctor then says not to worry.

Plus, apparently with little ones you get to wait around for blood results which is good because then parents don’t go home and freak out. So the actual taking of the blood left both myself and little one crying. 

Minus, my child hates to be restrained for any reason so restraint with a finger poke and lots of pressure was ridiculous.  After blood was taken, she pretty much screamed for the next half hour while we waited for the results.  She only wanted to be held and for most of it by only mom. 

Well, her blood work came back normal.  Her red blood count was good and her white blood cell count was normal.  Her ears are also clear.  The thought is that girlie had a reaction to the antibiotic.  So the reaction should subside over a few days and we just need to keep an eye on her in case anything changes now that we have stopped the meds.

I then had to run off to class for a little bit.  Thank the good lord that my students are understanding.  I had pushed back my class start time so I could go to the appointment and it ran much later so I then had to push back class again (thank goodness for summer school and text messaging). 

Hubby got little miss home and fed (as much as she would eat) and I got home just in time to help get her to bed. 

We then got parents got need a break tacos.  We shall spend are our evening being thankful that this was just one tough day and that all will be well (by reading books and playing video games).