Okay fine

I wasn't sure I wanted to blog about this, but I need to get some thoughts out of my head. 
I get to have my first mammogram this week.  Nothing was hinky in my checkup, but I have a strong family history so my doctor thought it would be good to have a baseline mammogram.  Rationally I know this is not a big deal.  I am totally on edge.  It's not like I didn't know this time would come.  Hello look at my family history, but that didn't mean I was counting the hours or anything. 
I also get to be tested for asthma because my breathing when I exercise can be off (depending on what I'm doing).  I also get to have an ultrasound because one of my ovaries was a little swollen so they want to take a look.  At this point, no reason to freak out, but waiting can be so much worse than just doing something.  The two big appointments will be done by the end of this week so that will at least be a relief.  Sure I most likely won't know anything right away, but the appointments will be done which is good.  In the mean time, I am trying to concentrate, but I'm not doing so hot at it this afternoon.  Okay now I have spewed this out and I can move on for the day.

Seriously distracted

Today I am seriously distracted. I wish it was Friday because I could use a drink and my appointments to be over so I can focus because right now I really can't focus.  I'm going to work on easy things.  Things that involve very little thought and sitting in my papsan.  And a positive attitude.  I'm going to work on that too.

Hello my name is Dana......

and I am a worry wort.  I tend to worry.  I worry about work, health, myself, family, friends, you name it.  I just do.  It's how I roll.  The good part of knowing that this is how I roll is that I recognize when I am being irrational in my worrying.  Now that does not necessarily mean that I can stop the irrational worrying, but I can typically freak out and then move on.  I had one of those moments today.  I can't say I'm completely done worrying, but I do realize that all will work out and I should not be driving myself insane for no good reason. 
I need to remember that new experiences are not scary or bad, just different.  And to stop being such a pansy :o)

Wow...

So today sucked.  I thought today Little Miss would be good, we would get groceries, play, ect.   Have a good day off from work for mom.  Oh was I wrong.  Yesterday we went for her 15 month check up and she got one shot.  I thought today won't be so bad, it is just one shot.  I was wrong.  I forgot about whiny baby with a low grade fever.  We were great with getting groceries and had fun.  She really loves to go out with me.  But after that it was down hill until just before bedtime when my loving happy baby returned to me to cuddle.  But in the middle there was whining and unhappiness.  I just hate the days when my baby drives me to tears.  I feel bad for all of us then.  She is so sad, I can't help, and nobody enjoying it. 
We were able to end her day with snuggling and stories so I suppose all is well that ends well.  Hopefully we will be able to have fun tomorrow. 
So I have yet to clean up the house of the toys, but the friendship bread is out of the oven.  I'm thinking I'm going to have a beer, have some bread, and put up my feet.  I mean, Fini, is sleeping on the couch next to me.  She might have the right idea.

One more thing

So I was so distracted by the purring cat in my lap that I forgot to blog about the one thing that I did accomplish, my health directive!  I can wear my wedding ring!!!!! I am at the weight I got married at.  Now my body is totally built differently now.  I have a baby belly to suck in yet, but whatever.  I swear I need to do ab work every day just to prove to myself that I can.  Whenever we do abs during kettle bell, I want to keel over.  But I am super proud of me. 

Blogging Vacation...

So I didn't mean to take a vacation from Blogging.  I just got behind at work and overwhelmed and so I streamlined my personal expectations to keep myself sane.  It worked. 
With one month left of the semester, I am caught up and in good place with work.  I still have a to do list, but I'm not stressed out about it anymore.  Give me a month when I get my end of the semester papers. 
The weather has been wonderful.  Little miss is addicted to going outside.  She is also apparently addicted to riding in the car cart at the grocery store.  Today I let her try that for the first time since she is starting to get squirrelly about riding in the cart seat.  It was a quick store trip and she got pissed when I took her out to get her in the car seat to go home.  Yelled half way home!
Little miss had her first haircut today.  Her bangs were all up in her eyes so I attacked with scissors.  
So tomorrow I'm going to try to set up a massage for me real soon.  My back/shoulders have been bothering me lately.  It is mostly due to working on a computer and exercising and strengthening those muscles.  I'm starting with a massage, but if that does not help then I will be off to the chiropractor.  I have never been to one before and don't really want to start, but if I need to I need to. 
Well, I'm so lame that I don't think I have anything that I should be telling you about.  I've got nothing exciting just work and chilling with child. 

Reflection

So this week as a result of a fitness thing I'm doing I'm supposed to be working on my stress reduction through meditation, personal reflection, or relaxation techniques.  Today I decided I would focus on a little reflection.
Firstly motherhood.  I think hugs from my baby maybe one of the best things about my day.  I like attack hugs where little one tackles me for hugs.  I like hugs that I have to work to get.  I often tell little one that I want a hug to which I am give a sly look and she turns to run like heck so mom has to catch her.  I'm not sure that I'll ever feel like I get the balance between work and home right (maybe if I can be healthy, which wasn't the case as of late).  However, I think that's okay.  When I'm at home playing, I don't let work hound me.  I am more efficient at using my time at work.  I feel guilt when I have to work late, but working late is not a regular occurrence. 
Secondly work.  I am happy with my work.  I'm not settling for just teaching what I have always taught how I've always taught it.  I'm expanding my knowledge base.  I am coming to the conclusion that I'd like to have a "teaching philosophy" group.  In a perfect, world I'd like to talk to people about what works for them in a classroom, how they strive to improve themselves, and that kind of thing.  I don't want it to be a "let's bitch about students" thing.  For now, I'm going to continue my reading for my own expansion and then I think I'm going to look into the teaching group thing.  It could crash and burn, but I think with the right group of people it could be really interesting.
Thirdly balance.  I am always in need of finding the right balance for me.  The balance between me time, family time, and work.  I think this is such an issue for me because I don't want to take away from family or work to just have me time.  I know it shouldn't be less of a priority, but it is.  I'm not sure how to change that.  I need to find something that it is just to me that I need to leave my house for.  Maybe I just need to work harder to reestablish a "girl's night."  I don't know.  I need to think harder about what would make me truly happy and what I wouldn't just end up feeling guilty about.  I'm glad that I am finally over the sickness (even if I'm not healed enough to go to spin) so that I can work out again.  Working out is such an equalizer to me.
Okay that's what I've got for now.  I'm going to clean up toys and grade tests while eating ice cream now.